Elizabeth Bowen was a wonderful novelist and short story writer who died in 1973. I was recently reading her Letters, and came across the following to one of her lovers. While it is a departure from my usual province to relate this sort of thing, I thought it was worth passing on.

“Have we insisted on being blind to the true nature of man or woman on whom we set our hearts? If so, a false situation has arisen: the loved one sooner or later must give us pain by no more than being himself, or herself. By trying to force another person to conform with our notion of him or her, we virtually force them to disappoint us.”

In my role as a divorce mediator, people often ask me for my opinion why couples part. The above, I think, indicates one reason.

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