Should You Get a Divorce?: Part II

TRUST

Trust is vital in any relationship. What is a marriage really if you cannot trust your spouse? Trust does not only mean worrying about an affair. It can mean not being able to count on a partner to do or say what he/she promises. The other side of the coin with trust is the spouse who is overly controlling or possessive. That kind of jealousy is corrosive to any marriage.

ABUSE

Physical abuse is never acceptable. My experience is that if you tolerate the first incident, or maybe the second, it will only escalate. You need to leave and get to a safe place. No matter how great that spouse is otherwise, you should get a divorce and move on with your life. Period. Emotional abuse is not as glaring as physical abuse but it can be as damaging. If your spouse denigrates you, yells at you constantly, your marriage is in trouble. In this day and age, no one should accept that kind of behavior. Again, if you allow it to happen in the beginning, it will only escalate.

Addiction

Perhaps wrongly, I am a hardliner on this subject. If your spouse is abusing alcohol or drugs or porn to an unacceptable extent, we live in a time where he/she can get help. There are any number of groups and organisations who are very good at helping addicts. They all operate on one premise: The addict must be willing to work on his/her recovery. In that case, by all means you should assist your spouse and remain in the marriage. If, however, he or she resists getting help, my advice again is get out and obtain a divorce. There is no sense in one life following the other down the drain.

If you wish to schedule an initial consultation please contact me at 212-605-0435 or 516-280-3123.